We seek “closure” in broken relationships because we seek to understand the “why” of it all—not so much because we are lamenting its loss (even if we are)—after all, it’s “closure,” so on some level we are already in the process of acceptance. No, what we really need is to know is where our judgment went so horribly wrong. We need to understand how we could have trusted this person so, how we could have allowed ourselves to be vulnerable with someone who ultimately couldn’t (or just didn’t) respect it, how we missed the signs or were fooled….
This is a normal, natural response—normal, natural, and completely insane. See it, and know it to be so. Know it to be the EGO’s reflexive response: “if I can UNDERSTAND it then next time I can CONTROL it better.” And so, under the EGO’s relentless lash, our poor brain comes up with a million reasons, a million excuses, a million ways to point blame or wallow in guilt, a million why why whys….
To what end?
There is no lesson to be learned. There is no pattern to watch out for. Each relationship is unique, a once-upon-a-time conglomeration of two personalities and time-space and circumstance, never to repeat itself again
Don’t get me wrong: a little introspection is a good thing, and spotting your own patterns can be quite rewarding and productive (if properly understood and acted upon), but most of what passes for “closure” is actually just mental masturbation, just the EGO seeking to redefine itself as the Victim, the Sufferer, the Wounded One or the Angry One, the Misunderstood One…etcetera ad nauseam. In other words, it’s just crap. So do your best to see it, know it, let it go and move on.
You will heal faster, I promise.
~The Mystical Lion